Monday, April 2, 2012

HAWMC, Day 2

Quotation Inspiration. Find a quote that inspires you (either positively or negatively) and free write about it for 15 minutes.

"I heed not that my earthly lot hath little of earth in it,
that years of love have been forgot in the hatred of a minute,
I mourn not that the desolate are happier, sweet, than I,
but that you sorrow for my fate, who am a passerby." -EAP

On Day 2 of the WEGO post-a-day challenge, I am already probably messing it up again. Is a poem a quote? Well, today it is because this poem was the first thing that popped into my head when I read the prompt question. I was 18 years old, I'd moved out my parents' house abruptly and dramatically, I was living with my then-boyfriend and his family, and I'd recently lost a pregnancy and was starting down a self-destructive path. I discovered Edgar Allan Poe on the bookshelves of that house and I read his stories and poems for hours. I understood his darkness and his sadness, and the above poem, mysteriously entitled "To --" spoke to me the loudest. It was echoing everything that was happening in my mind at the time, I might lose everything, I might be miserable, but don't you look at me with that tone of pity in your voice. Eff off and say hello to your mother. Poe seemed to know exactly where I was coming from, he felt my desperate anger, my anguish and defiance. I memorized that poem right then, the moment that I read it, and it kept me company through some seriously dark times.

That poem's remained one of my favorites over the years, however its meaning has changed for me a bit. I'm not 18 anymore, for one thing, and those circumstances seem like a distant nightmare. At the time, I felt those dark feelings pretty thoroughly, then I worked out my demons with enthusiasm, and picked myself back up and moved on. It wasn't exactly that simple, but that's the gist.

Now it feels more like the poem is more about relinquishing control and being okay with myself and my struggles than it is about wallowing in the mire. Per Poe, my earthly lot may be empty, my love may be fickle, and truly miserable people may be having a better time of it than I am, but don't cry for me, Argentina, cause it's way harder trying to make the best of it with y'all looking so damn sad all the time.


SavvyChristine said...

Wow, lots to unpack in this post today. And yet somehow that final paragraph makes it less serious than it could be -- "y'all looking so damn sad" really does it for me.

Anyway, all i have to offer are skinny trees and virtual hugs. I'm looking forward to more posts for this month.