Tuesday, March 21, 2017

Activing

My latest record of exercise has me out exactly 45 out of 90 days, when I aim to get out every day. Not bad for a sick person, but not nearly my goal. :/


Of course, I don't track the days I skip exercise to do housework or socialize or have appointments or grocery shop. Especially lately, having therapists come to my house three days a week, it takes a toll on my ability to do anything else. Today was the first day I've been out hiking in a week, and I went to the store with my boyfriend a few days ago - it was the first time I'd left our property in months! I'm working on being more in the world; spring is here so there will be more in-town festivities to attempt, and I'm planning on attending a birthday party and a wedding in the next month. Though they'll both likely be brief appearances, it means something to be places and see people.




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Friday, March 10, 2017

Oh My Barking Brain

I started getting in-home medical visits about a month ago, and it's been amazing.

I had a nurse for a few weeks, just to evaluate me and hook me up with the other medpros i need to see. A social worker came - she's going to refer me to IHSS for help in my daily life, which can include housecleaning. I've also seen an occupational therapist, a speech therapist, and a physical therapist. OT is going to get me a shower chair, and has been making suggestions for gentle stretches for my neck. PT gave me some more advanced stretches that are focused more on my lumbar, and corrected my squat form, which was incredibly helpful. But it's the speech therapist who is the true mvp.

She treats a lot of people with traumatic brain injuries and sees my symptoms as being very similar to theirs, only instead of one major event making dramatic changes in the brain, for us chronic migraineurs it's an ongoing trauma. She's been working with me on memory and cognition with distraction. Eventually she wants to add sound to our meetings, which I'm worried about, but it'll be good to try. I would love to get back into the world one day.

I've had a cold for two weeks now; though the worst of it was over after week one, the lingering cough is making my head bark back.

My depression is loads better after upping my antidepressant. I still have some mood swings, and when I get sad I can still spiral, but it's is SO much less that it was.

Our washing machine broke a few months ago. We couldn't afford to replace it until this month, and honestly idk if that was the best choice financially, but I can't do laundry at the mat without being very sick from the noise and the driving to and from, PLUS last time we went we spent $60 and only washed about half our stuff. And half of it came out smelling like other people's detergent, and I'm sure you can guess how that went over with my brain.

SO we spent about the last of our cash on a new-to-us one today! I can't wait to have clean clothes again.





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Thursday, January 26, 2017

I'm Tired


I'm afraid I am still writing from an abyss of depression. I haven't fallen completely in, but I am clinging to the wall about halfway down. I'm experiencing increased head pain, fatigue, and nausea overall - which could also be from my birth control or maybe I'm anemic again... I got some blood drawn yesterday so we'll see if it shows anything. But besides the head pain, I just have no motivation whatsoever. I watch tv and read all day to distract myself, am trying to keep up with my hiking, but waking in pain nearly every day isn't making it easy. Since I posted a chart a few months ago showing my frequency of exercise, I might try to make it a regular thing. Here's the last update I downloaded:


but I've unfortunately fallen off a bit since then.

Next week I have a uterine bibopsy to make sure nothing hinky is going on in there since the iud install. I don't enjoy having a doctor all up in my looky loo but I do look forward to receiving the good news that all is well in my endometrium.

I've also had this nagging cough for months, it waxes and wanes and is most likely due to all the pot smoking I do, but I don't have an alternative pain management, so I've kind of let my lungs deteriorate. I just need to take a week off and suffer, but that's really an awful prospect when I'm already depressed and struggling.

However, there are Good Things. I just ate a really nice bowl of hearty chili mixed with a mashed sweet potato. I got to go to the fungus fair for my birthday, that was some mycological fun. My doc said she's going to refer me for in-home physical therapy. A neighbor lady who works at the food bank has been bringing us leftovers after distribution, like pounds and pounds of oyster mushrooms, kale, potatoes and carrots. I'm only halfway through the massive amount of strawberries she gave us toward the end of summer. My freezer is full and it makes mealtimes so much easier. I've been making more of an effort to be of the world, whether online or in real life, and it's paying off. I've found some facebook groups I enjoy being a part of, and have actually made some new friends.

So things are rough, but there are silver linings.


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Sunday, January 1, 2017

Gauging

Like a lot of people, this last year left me feeling pummeled.

After the election, I let myself wallow. Now I've got to figure out how to move forward. I've got to find some peace with my fear.

As usual, exercise keeps me tethered. I've got routines I keep and I can gauge how well I'm doing by how well I've kept to them and while I've lost some threads, exercise and brushing my teeth remain constant, so I'm still on this side of ok.

Trying to be more social during the holidays has blown up in my face. I'm constantly torn between wanting to be with people and needing to protect myself from them.

If I don't hit publish on this half-formed post, who knows when I'll come back to finish it, so

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