Friday, May 5, 2017

Blueberries, Maybe

The worst of my depression has officially lifted, thank zoloft. I'm still struggling with less serious symptoms like fatigue, lethargy, and negative thinking, but I haven't had a legit suicidal impulse in months, so that's pretty great.

I went to a wedding a few weeks ago. I only attended the ceremony, and went out to dinner with friends after instead of attempting the reception. I was still completely spent for more than a week after, but it's worth it to be in the world sometimes.

I'm aiming to get the garden going this week. I'm definitely planting kale and lettuce again, and snap peas! I want to plant starter pea plants once a month if i can to keep the harvest going all summer, I love sitting in the garden and snacking as I check things over. I didn't have a single pea make it into the kitchen last year, I ate them all straight off the vine, sharing only a few with my boyfriend and dogs. Selfish, I know, but it's my garden I do what I want!

This year I'm going to experiment with blueberries, maybe. I have some ideas, and a list, but we'll see what they have at the nursery and what the employees will be able to talk me into!

I'm still getting speech therapy for my memory and focus issues. I'm not sure if it's helping but my therapist seems to think so, and it's definitely good for me to be flexing the old brain muscle as much as possible, especially when depression makes me tend towards disassociation and passivity.

I'm really angry about what the republicans want to do to healthcare in this country. People will be sicker under the latest proposed plan, they will die, but the republicans don't care about the human cost - only their own coverage and tax rates - and their lack of humanity is tragic and infuriating. I feel powerless.

I need to keep hoping we'll get to the star trek utopia I imagine could be our future, we're just taking the long route.