Monday, June 18, 2012

NMAM, Days 13 & 14

I've been struggling for the past few weeks, and my total drop-off in the daily posting challenge is evidence. Thus begins the string of catch-up posts. Better late than never.

Migraine Awareness Month #13: "You Are Beautiful." Write yourself a love letter. Tell yourself how wonderful you are. Remind yourself of the things you have accomplished despite Migraines. There are times when we need to be reminded of the good things about ourselves that others see that we may have missed.

I'm actually fighting depression pretty hard right now, which is making any attempt at writing myself a love letter impossible. I look at myself and I'm not seeing anything good. The darkness comes and goes, but even when it's gone and I'm productive and smiling, I still drawn a blank when I pull this prompt up. The Bloggess has said, repeatedly, that depression lies. She's brilliant and funny and is also really open about her anxiety disorder and battles with depression. She's inspired me to try again, so here's my sort-of love letter to myself, complete with the lies my brain tells me in parentheses.

Steph, there are some things you need to remember. (And some things you should work on forgetting.)

I'm a good writer. (But nothing special, I'll never be successful at it.)

I'm a good photographer. (See above.)

I'm funny, and witty, and smart. (But I'm also sick, stupid, dull, and angry, so who wants to be around that?)

I've got a partner, a dog, a family, and friends who care about me. (See above.)

I'm back in school and doing well. (Only one class at a time? And it's a struggle? Pathetic.)

I've found a medication that increases my quality of life, without significant side effects. (What am I, a pothead? Get a real treatment, yeesh.)

I live in a quiet place than minimizes my triggers and allows me to be more active. (I'm still not trying hard enough.)

You need to let go of those negative thoughts; they aren't helpful, and you don't deserve them.

Be happy,


Writing this all out was actually really therapeutic. Depression not only lies, but it's a total asshole! It was good to separate the truth from the negative thoughts and feelings that aren't necessarily coming from a balanced place. I would never allow a real person to be this mean to me, I need to stop taking it from myself.

Migraine Awareness Month #14: "Live Long, and Prosper." Come up with a short, simple phrase or sentence that could be used when saying "Hello" or "Good-bye" that expresses your wishes for fellow Migraineurs.

Peace. It's perfect. Be at peace, or be with peace, or be in a peaceful place, in life or in your heart, and you can get through anything.