Monday, July 4, 2011

I'll Be Under the Bed

I have a long history with the 4th of July. Mostly that I hate it.

As a child, I could rarely be calmed from my shrieks of terror at the thunderous noise of fireworks. I would cower and hide my face in my mother's shirt. Each explosion would vibrate my entire body, it had to be that we would all die. I was probably tired from a long, hot day of summer fun, overloaded by all of the stimulation, and sugar-crashing from too much cotton candy, but it took me until near puberty to be able to sit and watch a fireworks show calmly. And even then.

I went to a 4th of July party several years ago. It was a good time, until the men got together and decided to blow something up. Everyone was gravitating to the front yard, slowly funneling through a gate, drinks in hand. When the small crowd was assembled, several of the men walked into the middle of the street with a globe. They hooked up a container and I was distracted by someone saying something about acetylene. I was trying to work out what that meant exactly when the boys dropped the globe and scattered. When it hit the ground, it threw up a small mushroom cloud of fire and the accompanying boom jolted me so hard I thought I might vomit. I dropped to a crouch and bolted back through the gate, into the backyard and sat back down on the wicker chaise lounge, only to stop myself from running behind it and hiding. My fight or flight was high, I couldn't relax and drink anymore, and my friend and I ended up leaving early.

And now there are migraines. The sound sensitivity is tenfold, and I have no desire at all to look up** at the flashing** sparkling** lights, however pretty they may be. Those asterisks represent triggers, and fireworks are decidedly too triggery to be messed with. I wish I could go somewhere remote, or even another country for the weekend. I mean, yay America! but also, my dog is freaking out. She's been under the bed most of the weekend, and while she's not whimpering or panting, she is shaking off and on, and it's sad.

I wish it was Halloween already.

PS: Don't forget to enter the giveaway I'm hosting with Jessica from Painfully Speaking! Care packages are awesome!


Migrainista said...

Halloween is much better :) Every year it seems like the at home fire crackers go on for the entire month of July...each night keeping me awake, annoyed and waking with a migraine.

Anonymous said...

Oh good. I feel much less bad about griping to you about fireworks in my last email. Although I must say, your reaction is much more severe than my minor annoyance!