Sunday, January 26, 2014

Reclaiming and Prioritizing

I apologize if no one wants to hear about my diet and exercise, because that's what I'm really focused on right now and I'm feeling good and I'm happy about it, so blather blather blather here I go.

Every day, it seems, I'm bouncing back faster and can go longer. When I'm medicated well and having a good day, I can do almost anything. I can run. Well, I mostly jog, and it's still pretty brief and rare, but I can do it and it's been so long since I felt my heart beating hard and my breath coming fast without my head also immediately screaming out in protest, it's pure euphoria. Like reclaiming music, and dancing for the first time in years, being able to run and move easily again feels like an enormous freedom, a gift I never expected and would never have even hoped for.

I took this quarter off school, and I'm feeling a strong pull to use this time to focus on my physical fitness and experiment more with this vegan, whole-foods diet I'm rocking. It's difficult to really push myself physically if I have anything else going on in my life, because migraines only allow me a finite number of spoons in a day, and I don't have any idea what that number might be, so it's a huge gamble to spend more than a handful on exercise because I could easily not be able to do anything else for the day after even a gentle workout. So, if I know I want to have dinner with my parents tomorrow, or have to go grocery shopping later, or just want to finally get all the kitchen clean at the same time, I sacrifice my fitness goals for the sake of having a (relatively hygienic) life. And then we add school to the equation, and exercise is even further backburned for the sake of my coveted, beloved, necessary-as-oxygen As. Oh, I will not get a B, I will not.

Like today, I did a half-jog, half-hike up the hill with the puppies, I cleaned the fridge, and that might be it for me for the day. Possibly longer, depending on luck and triggers and whatever gods you all believe in. But, I still have a chance of getting back up and getting something else done, or taking the puppies out, or getting more writing in, because belting out this post is leaving me kind of optimistic for the rest of the day.

Which is something else I'm going to be needing to reclaim soon enough, my optimism abandoned me a while back, and I've felt its loss more dearly lately. It's time to find the bright side again, even if I have to wear shades to endure it.

My current migraine treatment plan is exercise, vegetables, and marijuana, and I feel the best I've felt in nearly seven years. Expect further rambling updates.