Tuesday, June 25, 2013

Strange Migraines

I've been making note of some of the weirder symptoms I've been experiencing, and woah, am I getting odder.

Depression is the least weird, so I'll start there. It's a pretty common symptom of migraine, I've read, but it still surprises me every time. I'm just living my life, normal and chipper and fine, when -- WHAM -- I'm so sad I can't see straight. Grief, sorrow, despair, it's all the saddest words for sad, and maybe a little irritable in there, too, and I have no idea why, but it feels like forever. Then, within the hour -- WHAM -- my head is migraine soup and now I'm sad because I can't move and it all makes sense. I recognized it yesterday, though. I got super sad, just wanted all the hugs and to curl up and cry for how hard it is to go to the bathroom to pee and I suddenly realized, oh hey, I bet my head's going to start hurting real bad, real soon. And then, it did, and I felt like the smartest person EVAR. It only took me seven years!

When I was a kid, when I was very tired or very sick, I would unconsciously rock myself. Since migraines, I've started doing it again. When laying down, I'll catch myself rocking very gently and slightly, and when it happens while sitting up, it looks like I'm fidgeting in my seat, or moving my feet and legs rhythmically. Often, I don't realize I'm rocking until it makes me motion sick.

I think that the rhythmic movements are soothing to me, it feels like it's releasing some sort of energy or tension, or easing it. I couldn't tell you if it was neurological or psychological or what, Dr. Internets is vague: it could be tourette's, or adhd, or autism, or asperger's, or OCD (and then I'm like, I can't focus, I'm not big on prolonged eye-contact, and I like to count things. I have all the illnesses!). So, I'm not going to do anymore research until I talk to a doctor, because all that is just alarming and annoying.

I also rub my feet together when I'm migraining or tired, and I didn't realize how often I did this until I hurt my left foot a few weeks ago. Any pressure on the top is still really uncomfortable, so every time my feet go to do their weird little cuddle, the pain would alert me within seconds. There were a few times when I'd stop myself over and over within the span of a few minutes, and had to tuck one foot under me to get my feet to knock it off. This is another thing I seem to remember doing as a child, and I don't know why all these little-kid quirks are popping back up, but as long as the night terrors don't come back, I won't complain.

I've mentioned before that I developed a twitch early on in my migraining career. It comes on with little warning, and is so brief and rare that very few people have ever noticed it, but it still bothers me. It's usually my right shoulder that jumps, perhaps with a neck spasm to make my head tilt a bit.

In the past year or so, I've started having involuntary verbalizations, too. Again, when my head is flaring high, or I'm in a migraine hangover, what I am thinking will start coming out of my mouth, usually in half-formed sentences and mumbled words. This isn't the same as talking to myself, I do that all the time, it's more like the thought/speech barrier breaks down, totally involuntarily. For example, I was thinking of something embarrassing I did a long time, and as I recalled the memory, a low "Noooooooo" came out of my mouth, without my permission. Or another time, I was considering between two options, thought of a clearly deciding factor and blurted out, "I don't want it." Those words weren't in my head, literally, but the feeling was, and it's such a strange sensation to not have complete control over my speech like this. I've experienced loss of speech before, garbled language, and slurred words, but my mouth speaking on its own is pretty new and weird for me. It's not happening often enough to scare me, but these new symptoms are definitely odd and I look forward to sharing them with a doctor so I can witness their WTF face.


Mamie said...

Hello, dropping by to say hello and that I still read your Blog. I just had an abdominal hysterectomy so plenty of time to catch up on all my favorite blogs. Head pain is very bad and recovery is way harder than I expected. Again thanks for sharing your journey!