Some School Struggles

Oh, school, you're lucky you're so learny.

I never took chemistry, mostly because I was terrible at biology. I find the facts interesting (did you know blood is a tissue? a liquid tissue!), but I have such trouble memorizing the details (what does vitamin k do? No idea, and I just read about it five minutes ago). So, I'm forcing my eyes to go over the words, I'm telling my brain to receive the concepts they explain, but not much is sticking. It's frustrating, but I'm plugging away at it like a honeybadger. I have faith in myself; I'll either figure it out and start grokking the hell out of this electron stuff or I'll pull out a miracle of information sourcing on test day. I mean, if not, I might fail the class and lose the financial aid I depend on, but it's no big, really. I'm not at all panicking inside.

So, I've decided not to take a summer course. It's not an earth-shaking decision, but I had to intentionally ignore my ambitious nature in favor of giving my head a break. I'll need it.

I've been having trouble with the disabilities department at my school; they ask me to come in several times during the quarter, and I'm not capable of it, health-wise and financially.

Let me tell you the saga of this quarter. I've been there three times and I still don't have have everything squared away. The first visit was an orientation to online registration. I didn't actually register, I just came in to the office, had my counselor explain how to use the system, then I signed a paper saying I'd heard her speech. I'd asked her if we could do the speech over the phone, or via email and she said no, you have to come in to the office. So, I came in and while I was there, I asked her about my testing accommodation form (which gives me time and a half on tests) and the book voucher (which pays for my books each quarter), and she said it would be no problem, when I came back to get my books it would be ready for me.

Well, when it was time to come back and get my books, she said I needed to request the voucher and I could fill out the request form when I came down, but it takes a few days for it to get approved by the voucher bosses. My counselor also tells me she doesn't like filling out the testing accommodation until school actually starts, so, there's another two trips, neither of which can possibly be done via phone or email. I had no choice, apparently, so I requested the voucher, then came back a week or so later to get it and my books. It was the first week of classes, the campus was chaotic, and I wound up having a meltdown in the middle of the bookstore, probably forever traumatizing the terrified teenage boy guarding the door from shoplifters. With all the migraining hubbub, I forgot all about the testing accommodation. The next time we came in to town, a few weeks later, we tried to stop by and take care of it, but no, I had to actually see my counselor, and her office hours weren't until late in the afternoon. By the time noon hit, I was exhausted and useless, and we went back home, accommodation-less.

My counselor had told me that I needed to pick up the form, sign it, then get my teacher to sign it, and bring it back. I emailed my teacher to ask her how I could get the form to her (does she have a box, office hours?) and she got a little pissy about me trying to get it taken care of seven weeks into the quarter. I decided not to write her back and explain in detail exactly how I felt about the situation. I just wanted to get it done, and placing blame wouldn't solve anything anyway. Well, I think my teacher contacted the disabilities office directly because the very next day I got an email from my counselor, concerned that I still hadn't gotten my form in with the office. Then, another email, a few hours later, saying that we could sign it digitally if I have a printer and a camera or a scanner.

I am furious. I've been fighting to be able to do ANYTHING with these people remotely, emphasizing how difficult it is for me to come in, that it causes me pain and I don't even retain any info imparted under those conditions, so after all this time and all the stress I've gone through trying to jump through their hoops, I can suddenly submit the information via email, as if I hadn't been begging with every little thing they make me come there for. MOTHERCRACKER CRAPBALLS ON TOAST that chaps my hide. But, if that really means that I never have to brave the campus again, I'll cope with the rage just fine. I really hope that's what it means.

I have a dream that one day I will work with a disabilities coordination department that actually coordinates with my disabilities.