Tuesday, May 1, 2012


So, this 30-day challenge was much more of a challenge than I expected it to be. I figured I'd cheat a little, I'd set up some posts ahead of time so I wouldn't have to worry about missing days, since I really don't write well when I don't feel well. Then, we lost our internet.

This presented a problem for keeping up with the post-a-day challenge, but also, I'm enrolled in ONLINE SCHOOL. I'm lucky on several counts; that I'd set up posts ahead of time, so there was little obvious misstep in the HAWMC; that my class is less interactive, I only have to log in once a week, if that, otherwise we work on our own with the text and study tools; and that I've had awkward but available wifi via a neighbor up the hill and the little library and quirky coffeshop in town. It's been difficult, but I seem to be making it work, with a little help from my friends.

I have no idea when we'll get our internet back, it's all about the money, which we aren't doing so great with since our car died and we had to spring for a new-to-us Blazer, courtesy of another neighbor up the hill. We got lucky with our neighbors, let me tell you.

Anyway, back to the HAWMC, and what I got out of it. It was fun, mostly. I enjoyed being creative and letting my mind run with the prompts. I write a lot more about the practical realities of my chronic migraines, and I doubt much will change after having completed these prompts, I enjoyed thinking of personalities for my migraines, for example, but I don't find that kind of self-exploration to be necessarily helpful. Fun: yes, productive: meh.

I did enjoy having my pageview stats jump into the quadrillions, I felt super popular for a while there! Now that my posting will drop back down to normal, I expect my stats will also, but that's ok, because I really don't need the pressure of a large audience. My little blog, with its small following, is plenty for me.

But, it made me want to write more, about other things besides my health.

Why have I spent so much of my life feeling uncreative? All I want to do is create! Writing and taking photos make me happy, and I've been thinking about trying to paint. It's hard for me not to add a parenthetical aside to this, I love writing and photography, but I'm not super-great at either. This disclaimer is part of my brain's non-creative propaganda campaign that it continues to wage, even though I'm now aware of it and it's just annoying, rather than actually defeating. Why you trying to keep me down, brain?

When I went to the library last week, I started thinking about being one of those books on the shelf, and for the first time in years, I didn't find it depressing. For the first time in years, I wasn't looking at all the other books as competition, or as a sea of voices for mine to be drowned out by, but as a chorus of stories, the human condition in print. I want to add my voice, I want to be a story that someone else gets lost in.