Saturday, May 21, 2011

A Rather Dark Post

I'm not doing so great lately.

Pain. Day in, day out. It wakes me in the night, it interrupts everything. I feel stalked and harassed. I can't move a muscle without migraines peeking over my shoulder, reminding me to stay inside, in the quiet, don't even try because it's just going to hurt, I don't need a life anyway, do I?

From there, it just gets uglier.

It's partly being so broke. The constant anxiety over being able to buy groceries and prescriptions, and pay the rent and utilities is keeping my head at a minimum low hum.

That virtual volunteer job seems to have evaporated, and it took a chunk of my hope with it. It was the first possibility I'd come across in a while. I'm really disappointed.

And school registration is coming up quickly, but I am so intimidated and afraid I'm going to fail, that I keep thinking of excuses not to try. Like, where am I going to find the $50 registration fee? I'm so tired of stressing over money.

I feel really powerless right now, not at all like the asskicker I try to be. Not at all.


Migrainista said...

Steph, I wish I had sage advice for you. My heart aches after reading this post and I just wanted to let you know that I am praying for you and sending you a long distance hug.

steph said...

Thanks. :)

Heather said...

It's okay to not be an asskicker all the time. You have a right to mourn for your pain and financial struggles. I pray that money appears for you and that God sends his spirit to give you strength and a feeling of hope. :)