Tuesday, May 5, 2009

Head State

It's been a bad month. Lots of head pain and associated symptoms. Not many breaks. I've been keeping quiet and trying to minimize triggers. Finding ways to smile as often as possible because I can't feel sorry for myself. Self pity makes my head hurt.

My symptoms continue to change. The nausea comes and goes. My vision is either dramatically worsening or my migraines are making my eyes do weird things.

I am running very low on spoons lately. I haven't left the house unless it was necessary, which it only is once or twice a week. Even a short conversation is draining. I find myself not talking unless it's necessary and getting angry and frustrated if I'm asked to repeat myself. I've been lucky that I've only felt depressed and unmotivated once a week or so. Otherwise I am maintaining a positive attitude. I can't control what is happening to me. I can only ride the waves as best I can and try not to get smashed against the rocks. And if I have not been smashed, it's a good day.

That sounds really passive and helpless to me as I type it out, but it's the outlook I need to get through these bad times. I'll reserve my outrage and unflappable resolve to find a cure until I feel better.