Spring is Making My Face Itch

I've always been allergic to nature. Every change of season leaves me sneezing and dripping from multiple orifices. That came out even grosser than it is. Sorry.

Some of my earliest memories are of nose blowing and creative snot disposal. So, the itching, dripping, clogged up, coughing and general wheeziness that is my life every spring never surprises me, and I'm really good at ignoring it all. Except for the sneezing.

The sneezing started getting out of hand around the time I hit puberty. I suddenly started sneezing in rapid-fire, like an automatic weapon. My record was 17 sneezes in a row when I was in high school. Nothing's scarier than a teenager behind the wheel in the midst of a sneezing fit. The allergies dropped in severity for several years, leaving my early twenties largely phlegm free. This year, they are back with a vengeance. I finally started counting the sneezing fits again. I'm up to twelve. Though it was a bit easier keeping track when I was surrounded by a group of cackling teenagers shouting the numbers in sadistic joy. I miss those old friends.

The problem with the revival of my allergies is that the sneezing hurts my head. Like, woah. During and just after a fit, I'm weak and confused and my head pounds, echoing the spasms. It's the kind of pain that makes me squeeze the heels of my hands into my temples as hard as I can. I get visions of Uncle Fester from the Addams' Family with his head in a vice, squeezing until he pops the headache out (complete with popping sound effects).

Normally, I'm cool with my allergies. I'm a tough broad, no little runny nose is gonna stop me. But this year, spring, would you mind turning it down a notch? My head hurts.