The results are in and they are not good.
I had a precancerous polyp in my uterus. The treatment is what I'm already doing, progesterone therapy. I'll be rechecked in the next few months for new growth and Doc says i need to have kids now if I'm going to do it because if the growths come back they'll likely recommend hysterectomy. Dealing with this information has put me in a strange place emotionally, and I'm not sure how to sit with this fear. Constant anxiety and suicidal ideation are not great ways of coping with stress, so I'm trying antidepressants again, and I'm really hoping the pills help me deal with this with some grace.
The prognosis isn't awesome for my uterus, but so far the treatment is going well! The mirena placement has been a success so far; I'm still bleeding, but lightly, and I'm still getting some cramps but they've really died down in the last few days.
My doctor is really awkward about delivering bad news, and yet she insists on doing it in person - despite my asking for info via phone or email - and then enthusiastically axclaimed "Isn't is better to do this in person?!" to which I did not reply, "For you, maybe."
After explaining what they'd found in their tests she also got really enthusiastic about reinforcing "IT'S NOT CANCER!!1" with a huge, desperate smile. I tried to force a smile back, but didn't. Ugh, just email me the bad news, I seriously need to get her on board or get a new doc. I hate when people need you to perform emotion in a certain way for them to be comfortable with your reactions; it's tiring, I've got a headache, and I don't have energy for these social niceties.
I'm just putting one foot in front of the other, and remembering to inhale and exhale in the proper sequence.