Friday, October 25, 2013

What Matters

What matters changes over a time, it may seem gradual but so many moments in our lives alter us forever, and we rarely notice. What mattered then is irrelevant now, uninteresting, or embarrassing. What will matter may not seem interesting, or desirable, or may not even be conceived of yet, and what does seems like it always will.

They say people don't change, but people are constantly changing. Our experiences bounce us off each other like pinballs, and every hit is a change in trajectory. BING a migraine BINGBINGBINGBINGBING chronic migraines, and my life has gone off in the most unexpected direction.

I may still be the girl I was at 8, at 15, at 27, but I'm a whole lot more than that, and less. I've lost some things along the way, enthusiasm, naivete, ignorance of pain, but I think what I've gained keeps me whole enough, temperence, perserverence, and how to fight fear aren't bad spoils of age and illness, if I do say so myself.

It's just that social media is so shiny, and my life could sometimes use some sparkle and I just can't help the envy I feel at pictures of smiling, laughing, hugging groups of people. But we all travel our own road and everything on display is for display purposes only, anyway.


Anonymous said...

this post is my favorite. you are incredibly insightful and thoughtful. i love that you see the nuance of learning to live with chronic illness/migraine without reverting to a simplistic "silver lining" track. your tenacity and perservearance (sp-arg) are something i wish i had at your level; and is a source of inspiration. Thanks so much

steph said...

<3 thank you!