River of Consciousness

I've been spending WAY too much time on the computer. Though, I've been getting on the treadmill regularly enough, and I've been doing my stretches, so I forgive myself for my inactivity. I'm trying to stay mobile, but I've been on the crappier end of the head spectrum pretty consistently since christmas. Here's my theory as to why:

Firstly, christmas was super christmasy. But, I was actually bouncing back pretty well when I fell off my bike on New Year's Eve. I fell HARD. It rattled my whole body, including my head, for several days. Then I got my period, which always starts off with a bang. Then I got a cold, complete with head stuffiness and coughing. My birthday was somewhere in there, mostly ignored. Once the cold started to fade, I managed to score myself a very painful crick in my back, which is still shooting death rays of lightning torture into my skull. And then, yesterday, I pulled up those bootstraps, slapped on a little blusher and some accessories and faked the hell out of it at a smallish birthday dinner, which may or may not floor me for the next week.

During all of this bodily drama, my head has been pretty displeased. As far as daily life, I'm staying mostly on top of the dishes and laundry, and I've been cooking a few interesting meals and even reconstructing some clothes, but getting out of the house has been nearly impossible. At the first truck roaring by, or the sun glinting off of a windshield or the incessant barking of the neighbor's chihuahua, I am plunged into an addled fog of nauseous throbbing. So, I've been staying in. Some noises follow me inside, like the leafblowers and the airplanes, but the muffling effect of four walls is enough to keep me from totally shorting out, though I do have to plug my ears when the fire trucks go by. Sometimes I think they honk the horn just for me.

I have a dental visit coming up, and a visit with a very special specialist. I am nervous and hopeful for both.

I'm on a hot tea kick right now. I've been cycling between chamomile, lemon verbena, mint and ginger. It's been cold, even in my temperate edge of the states, and wearing an icepack can be torturous right now. The perfect balance to the icepack is a microwaveable hot pack on my feet or belly and a cuppa warming my hands and steaming into my face. It's just delicious.

I made a really good split-pea soup the other day. Besides the peas, it involved roasted poblanos, plain and roasted garlic, onions, red potatoes, and broccoli. This was another culinary first, that I can't believe I took so long to get around to.

Oh, and then I had this weird dream the other night.

I don't really remember anything but the last few seconds of it. I was dreaming about something boring, there were some loved ones around me, we were talking. It wasn't stressful, but wasn't a super-happy dream either. Suddenly, I was jerked from that dream and was aware of laying on my right side in my bed. I felt awake. I felt a touch on my left hip. I woke up for real as I turned to defend myself and gasped aloud, "No!" I was disoriented in the dark for a moment, trying to remember what was real and what was a dream. My first muddled thought was that it felt like a ghost. Spooky! I didn't wake anyone else with my little yell, and did get back to sleep for another hour or so, but I felt extra discombobulated and sensitive for the rest of that day. But thinking about it, I get all kinds of weird dreams when I'm migraining and/or in pain, so it could be that my head caused the dream and not the other way around.

I'm not sleeping great in general. I'm getting up to pee several times a night, and waking in the morning feeling sluggish and irritable, stiff and in pain. I'm having some anxiety falling asleep too, and have been leaving the lights on. I tried melatonin, but it didn't help, probably because my problem isn't falling asleep, it's staying asleep. I'm going to try some valerian tonight. Worst case, I can take muscle relaxants, but those can be overkill. I don't want a coma, I just want REM and to sleep through the night every now and again.

Speaking of, YAWN. Wish me luck.