Sunday, July 12, 2009

Frustrated and Elated

Let's get the negative out of the way: My head hurts! And I am SO. FRUSTRATED.

Obviously, the pain isn't anything new. But I just had a very good friend in town whom I didn't see because I had plans. She was in town for several days, but because I made plans for four hours on just one of those days, I wasn't able to pick up my head off the floor long enough to visit. Which makes me flaky, friendless, angry at myself and my uncontrollable disability.

I'm supposed to go for a day trip to the city this week. I am very nervous. There will be a million stimuli and nowhere to hide. I'm going to bring an emergency kit; an insulated cooler with a couple icepacks, menthol rub, cough drops, and (especially) earplugs. I'll wear my sunglasses indoors if I have to. Luckily I'm going with my mom and my brother, who are two of the most accepting people I know. They don't judge and just let me do my own thing without asking a million questions.

I was thinking about bringing a few joints with me, but I'm a little worried about where to smoke. I want to take care of myself, but I don't want to get in trouble for smoking in public and I'm still not allowed to tell my brother, so it has to be even more down-low. Stressing about pain management is not productive.

Now for what is making me happy: My Garden! Planting and pruning and watering and caring for these living things, which give me back food, is an amazing experience for me. I've gardened before, but not like this. I always had other stuff going on; a job, or friends, or life, in general. But right now, my main job is the garden, so it feels much more rewarding than it did when I just watered when I had time and barely noticed the fruits of my labors until I ate them. Now, I admire the green of the leaves and fondle the new blossoms delicately and plan elaborate recipes involving as many elements from the garden as possible. It's therapeutic and totally non-taxing.

In fact, if you don't have anything growing around you, plant something. I promise, it'll make you feel better.


WinnyNinny PooPoo said...

Have a good trip, and I hope you don't need any of your preventatives.

I have 2 or 3 emergency pills to take with me when I get "caught" somewhere. Just knowing I have them gets rid of some of the anxiety. Hope your cooler of helping aids does the same.