Doctors, and Symptoms, and Pain, Oh My!

I think my head hates the summer.

Either that, or I'm just getting worse.

I'm tired all the time. My head hurts all the time. I'm irritable and depressed. I can't think, I'm having trouble sleeping, and I feel completely out of control. I'm glued to my couch. I'm getting visual disturbances almost every day. Just movement in the corner of my eye, or floating orbs, or everything seems to glow a bit. The tv is practically muted, or I have earplugs in. My step-dad got my some earmuffs, which is great, since the insides of my ears get raw from using the plugs daily.

I'm watering my plants daily and cleaning myself, and that's pretty much all I'll commit to.

I really need to get a new doctor. I'm just scared that I'll have to struggle with yet another corporate puppet, er, doctor for them to understand who I am and what I need. I saw one doctor, long long ago, who got it. He was the one who evaluated me for social security. He had such a great demeanor about him, so relaxed and patient. He listened, and repeated things back to me to make sure he understood. When he asked questions, I felt like he wanted to know my answer, not that he was just checking off the list of symptoms in his head. I was almost flirting with him, I liked him so much, which is totally unlike me in a doctor's office. I hate them and feel no flirty feelings ever anywhere near a doctor's office in which I am going to be examined. Just, no. I asked the nice doctor if he could be my doctor. He smiled at me, obviously pleased to be wanted, but declined gently. He worked for the government or some such nonsense, I don't remember, I had a headache. Remembering that doctor gives me hope and makes me a little less afraid.

I need to learn how to interview doctors. I need to have the energy to interview doctors.

I think I'm spent. I'm gonna post this, unedited, so if it's unintelligible or hard to follow, let's blame my head and never speak of this again.