I should have gotten a warranty on this body istfg

Everything is different. [Trigger Warning Cancer]  

I'm living with my family, back in the city. It's not great for my head; I struggle to go for walks, or even sit outside. But I had to leave the forest. I

t's a long story. Maybe I'll tell it if I come back here. But, I'm not here for that story today. 

I'm here because I was diagnosed with secondary liver cancer. All I know so far is they found GI cells, so I'm having a colonoscopy and endoscopy on Monday, then meeting with the oncologist on Thursday. I don't have any symptoms, they found the liver tumors accidentally when they did a CT to check for kidney stones. My kidneys were fine, but it started a cascade of tests that were almost entirely normal except for one, and if there's one test you don't want shitty results on, it's a liver biopsy. 

 It's still not really real, I think my brain is protecting me because every now and again it IS real and I feel ALL THE FEELINGS, but it's not lasting. I stop crying after a few minutes, relax out of exhaustion, and spend the next few hours in a weird haze. I'm in one of those right now. I'm feeling a little dizzy and unsteady, disconnected. 

I'm 43.