Around

I'm still here.

Let's see, what's happening.

I've continued to get botox. After the initial 3 rounds, my neuro asked if i was seeing 50% relief. I laughed and said no way, maybe 10%? He was disappointed by that and suggested we quit the botox and try something else. I thought about it for a few days and decided to ask to continue it. I may be only seeing 10% improvement but that's 10% more than I've seen from anything else other than cannabis, and that breakthrough was 12 years ago. I'm having less scalp allodynia in specifically the spots he's been injecting, so I've also asked him to focus on my remaining hot spots for the next round. I've had no negative side effects beyond fatigue and flu-like symptoms the next day.

I've got school for another month or so, I'm taking a film class and I love it.

I have been neglectful in my exercise posts, but this is about how it's gone for the last 6-9 months. So much fatigue, and not much hiking.

I've been having pain in my toes and hands, got an xray on my thumbs but nothing showed up.

I'm constipated a lot, and I'm pretty sure it's from eating flour, in any form. My diet is already so restricted, I'm having trouble accepting this.

I continue to attempt to garden. There are just so many critters up here I don't know if I'll even try a veggie garden this summer, but certain herbs are doing well, and I'm slowly filling up my kitchen with succulents and houseplants I keep propagating.

And, my head. My head remains what it is: an albatross, a constant reminder of human limitations, and my biggest obstacle and enemy. Nothing's really changed, as the same symptoms wax and wane with predictable unpredictability. The botox has changed some sensations though, so there's always hope. Right? Right.




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School Stress

Look at how things can change in a week.

1/8: this shakespeare class is so intimidating. reading just the intro to the text was impossible for me yesterday, so now i'm questioning everything. i've got a week before the first assignment is due, and a few weeks to drop the course if i'm doing that poorly. even if it doesn't work out, it'll work out, i have options. but i used to be able to push through anything. i could think my way through the most confusing info, sometimes it took lengthy rumination but things always made sense in the end. not so much now. i have to work 10 times harder to do a tenth of what i used to manage and it is infuriating.

1/11: well my brain continues to refuse to think well enough for this class to be anything but miserable, so i'm trying to drop it. well, dropping it isn't the problem, it's that I don't have a backup class lined up. so I've got add requests in and emails out to profs and all my fingers and toes crossed. If anyone lets me in, this will be my THIRD attempt at a class this quarter. The first one was cancelled for lack of enrollment, so that one's not on me at least.

1/14: I got into a media class! I'm already caught up and so happy! This class will be much less stress and I'm looking forward to embracing my future with the visual arts. I'm switching my humanities major from a literature focus to film. My brain has let me know its limitations, so I'm respecting them and adapting.


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