I'm struggling, hence my absence here.
I got a cold a few weeks ago, then it was horribly hot, then i got my period, and my head is not dealing well with any of this. Another heat wave is approaching, just as my period is dying down too, so i've got another week of potential misery ahead of me.
My mental health is not great. I'm anxious and depressed, still having dalliances with suicidal thoughts. I talked to my doc about mental health care and basically the system sucks for those of us in it. If I actually attempt suicide they'll 5150 me and then I'll get treatment. But, this is not an option. The idea of hospitalization makes me panicky to the point where I'd rather suffer.
Everything is a mess. Me, my house, my relationships. I feel hopeless.
See, this is why I haven't been updating. It's all awful and now I'm crying. :(