Tuesday, June 9, 2015

Grumping About

The nausea. The throbbing. The unrelenting irritation at every little nothing in my sight. It's migraine city over here, population 1, cause no one wants to hang out with a whiny asshole.

I'm exaggerating. My boyfriend's around and I have a few friends, but I do sometimes have to remind myself that if I want to keep them, I have to be nicer than my migraines would naturally incline me to be. Migraines make me impatient, short-tempered, pissy, sarcastic, and whiny. The last annoys even me, so I can't blame anyone else if they want to keep clear. I think it's the migraine in combination with hormones, because i also have my docile, grateful migraines, they just aren't what's happening right now, not at all. Oh yes, and i've also got the period of three women going on, so that's fun.

I got a form to fill out from ssdi, making sure I'm still disabled and all. Depending on how they receive my form they may decide to reopen my file, but I'm trying not to be too concerned because honestly, I'm still super disabled. I can barely leave the house, and when i do, it's non-functional pain and disorientation for days. If they do decide to look into my medical history and current state, no reasonable person would deem me able to job. The few hours I spend with the dogs once every week/month is the closest thing I got, and that is pretty damn taxing despite being the most convenient, flexible gig in existence.

I guess I still feel a little anxiety, despite all these reassurances I've got for myself. Who wouldn't?

And I think my depression is taking the form of apathy this month. The past two days I feel like I'm velcroed to my chair and I'm not interested in anything but zoning out on tv. And even that.

I'll get over it. Tomorrow is another day.