I made small talk with a cousin of a cousin, an acquaintance since childhood. We hadn't seen each other in years, so she showed me pictures of her kids, and I told her they were cute, as you do. She asked me what I do for work. I really need to plan an answer that doesn't leave the door open for asshat remarks, because when I said that I don't, that I'm disabled by chronic migraines, she straight-up said, "OH. THAT WOULD BE GREAT."
And I was just dumbstruck. It was a wedding reception, hardly the place for a ableist privilege check. I was already in pain and woozy. So, I pretty much just shut down and turned away from her, mid-conversation. But there were plenty of other people to talk to, so I don't know if she even realized what she said and what it meant.
Otherwise, the party was really nice. I was exhausted by the end, all the talking and smiling and 800 trips to the bathroom because I was guzzling water like it was 1000 degrees, and I feel a little hungover today (despite my non-consumption), and a little like I was in a fight with several small but strong children, their vicious little fists seem to have pummeled my back and head while I was sleeping.
But everyone complimented my new haircut, which I cut myself, again, so that was pretty great. And I also got to wear a skirt that I'd made out a pair of my boyfriend's old shorts, and the only person who commented specifically on it was shocked (SHOCKED!) that I had made it. That felt pretty nice.
And then they sent us home with jelly-belly favors. So everything turned out okay in the end.
Monday, September 19, 2011
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4 comments:
You're quite resourceful...making yogurt and fermented foods...cutting your own hair...sewing your own clothes...even though you are doing those things out of necessity...it is quite inspiring.
I've made a similar remark when I was young and foolish. I still cringe when I think of it. I don't usually have a very good memory, so I must have realized how awful it was right after I said it.
Sometimes when I'm out in the world I'll look at people moving about their daily lives and I get jealous that they get to do these things without constant pain. It's absolutely impossible to imagine someone even considering being jealous of people like us who live with chronic disabling pain simply because we can't work.
I'm impressed that you were able to just turn away and not get into it with this person. Well done!
Unbelievable! Don't people hear themselves when they say things like that? Good for you for returning her bad behavior with tremendous class. Well played.
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