The Reluctant Acupuncturist

I've seen her twice now, and I haven't seen a needle yet.

She's actually an internist, with a background in research and integrative medicine. She specializes in treating illness without pharmaceuticals, utilizing nutrition, physical therapy, biofeedback and, most importantly, acupuncture. She was recommended by my PCP, who really hit the nail on the head with this referral.

It was a normal first visit, lots of talking. She did a rapid fire exam that left me a little winded and started asking funny questions, like what color would you prefer a blank wall to be? She looked at my tongue and told me my spleen may be wonky. Then she talked for a long time about how she doesn't like to dive right in to acupuncture without knowing the whole picture. It was a long speech and I don't remember most of it because she was talking really loudly and my head doesn't like that. Is there a nice way to tell someone they are loud? I haven't found one yet.

She's the one who ordered the super-duper blood panel and we went over the results in the second visit. She still talked loudly, but I was prepared with the full on outdoor earplugs in. This woman's voice is like a jackhammer, people. But she's fabulous, and went into great detail about my test results and what they mean. I did my best to retain the info so I could regurgitate it here, but I may have mixed some bits up, so forgive me if something is off.

The high cholesterol, but normal blood pressure and lowish sodium levels told her that my adrenals aren't functioning properly. And that, in combination with my lowish progesterone, iron and potassium indicated that my body is having trouble absorbing nutrients and regulating electrolytes. Or maybe the progesterone was part of the adrenals thing. Anyway, these are common results with chronic pain, but these imbalances can exacerbate symptoms, ie increased sensitivity to pain and feeling exhausted. OH, which are ALSO side effects of low vitamin d. I had googled it, but the doc was a lot more concerned about it than the internet was, for once. (The internet is usually a bit of a hypochondriac, right?) She said that I was way below normal for both types of D, at 14 ng/mL when the low range is 30. She said she'd actually like me at 80, for being a chronic pain patient. So she gave me a scrip for it (I had no idea you could get prescriptions for vitamins!), one 50,000 iu pill a week. Then, she directed me to the internets to buy a certain brand of multivitamin that has the right sources of nutrients, and the right amounts. I reassured her that I was already taking a multi and fish oil and then she burst my bubble with the knowledge that not all vitamin makers are searching far and wide for the best sources for their vitamins. I thought that little USP symbol on the side of the bottle was enough, but she says no, that you really have to look further and learn about the ingredients and their effects on the body. She actually said toxicity. Really, it surprised me how little that surprised me. The more I learn about regulation and practices in the business of consumables, the more I wish I had my own little organic and responsible island on which I could hide from the petroleum and genetically modified soy that are in EVERYTHING.

So, once I get enough cash (donate button!), I'll be purchasing some high-falutin', non cancer causing vitamins and hopefully we'll get me back to healthy. Ish. The plan is to retest me in a month or so (yay more blood draws) and then go from there. Maybe with some actual acupuncture. Sigh.

Anyone have any suggestions for the loud talkers? I figure I'm going to say something in the next visit, regardless. Help me not be offensive?