Sporadic Subject Changes - Look Out

I've spent a few weeks with my parents over the summer. I had to medicate way more than I would prefer to be able to do it, but it was worth it to spend the time with my mom. I also pushed myself more than I have in a while, so that was good for me, to test my limits. In the past I've struggled with visiting them because they all tend to play music or watch tv loudly and I melt down with a swiftness, especially when they're happening at the same time in adjoining rooms. Well, my mom must have really laid down the law at some point because there was NO music while I was there, and limited, quiet tv, and they had learned to use captions! I took naps when I needed to, my brother let me use his bed, and I really felt cared for while I was there, and like I was safe enough to push myself and have a little fun. So, that's good!

I went for my EMB (endometrial biopsy) a few weeks ago and I wasn't too nervous about the results but the lab is taking their sweet time so now, yes, I am freaking out a little.

My garden is somewhat of a disaster this year, yet I continue to water it. The marigolds I bought that were flowering are doing great, continuing to bloom like champs. However the one I got that had no buds never developed any, just got leggy and huge. I chopped it by half to try and salvage the sun for the peas it was cohabiting with and replanted the top when it rerooted in water (i stick things in water like it's a compulsion), but no blooms, on either plant. Speaking of the peas, it's so sad, rats ate them, I think I got two pea pods all season. The kale also got chewed on, so most of the plants still look like starters. We've had a bit of a rat massacre here over the last two weeks, so I'm hoping things'll bounce back a little before the end of summer. The wild strawberries are leafing out nicely, no blooms on them yet, and the cilantro I planted from a starter bolted AND got eaten. A few of the seeds I threw down finally took, but not many, I'll put down more and baby the pot, it would be nice to have cilantro on hand. ALL my lettuce has been mowed down, most a few months ago but the last of it was taken out by a deer last week. That same deer also munched on my pot plants, I've only got three left out of six. Critters took out my mints a few times, they're hardy plants but can never get a good foothold, I should really set up a plant light and move them indoors. The nasturtiums gave me two or three blooms, not enough sun for them. The squash, on the other hand has given me fairly regular blossoms, I wish I'd gotten more plants! There was a mystery plant that my boyfriend brought home, I'd determined it was a bean of some sort and lo, it's created three pods. So now we know beans don't grow for shit in the shade. I got a chamomile starter that has been blooming steadily. I've been picking them off and letting them dry in a bowl. I'll have enough for tea soon! Radish seeds were a great idea, even if they don't produce any roots of decent size, the greens are really nice in sandwiches, and would be in salads if I had any lettuce! The sage is growing, as is the oregano, both seem to be less than palatable to the critters, hooray! So, I've gotten some good things out of the garden this year, but less than half of what I've planted has produced so far. It's all a learning experience.

I've been sleeping poorly, waking frequently to pee, and waking in the morning with back pain that I sometimes have to take ibuprofen for. When I sleep fitfully, my head is guaranteed to rear up on me, so I'm hiking as much as I can, but my ability waxes and wanes. I'm using ginger candy for nausea lately, and when that fails, ondansetron or the transderm scop nausea patch have been helping.

Emotionally I'm really feeling better. I'm still dealing with anxiety, but I've been able to get a handle on the bills and cleaning my house. My bad days are still really frustrating, and I struggle with not pushing myself to the breaking point at times, but mostly I'm maintaining a pretty good balance.

Writing is still really hard. This post feels like a miracle. It's because I wanted to tell someone about my plants in excruciating detail, which - hey use whatever motivation you've got!



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