Good News and Next Steps

Life keeps happening whether I write about it or not. So let me catch you up a little on the latest.

I FINALLY heard back from SSI about whether they are going to open my case for review. It took almost a year for them to decide not to. So I'm going to do something extreme to my hair to celebrate my relief at not having to jump through a thousand migraine-triggering hoops to prove my migraines. Maybe I'll dye it blue, or cut a mohawk, or both. Bleach and dye cost money though so we'll see.

My periods have gone absolutely apeshit bananas on me, they're now two weeks long and I had another terrifying bleeding spree that left me *this close* to going to emergency. I forced myself to eat salty and sugary foods to keep my blood pressure up and I doubled up on the iron supplements to keep my iron stores from becoming dangerously low and luckily the bleeding stopped before I felt I was in mortal danger. Well, it slowed.

So my doctor gave me micronor, which did trigger an IC flare last time I tried it - over a year ago - but since I've had the IC under control for a while, and I didn't have a whole lot of options, I went for it. It's helped, but I'm still bleeding, way more than is normal. I had another ultrasound done and they found a cyst on my ovary and growths in my uterus, possible fibroids or polyps. I'm going to have surgery to check things out in there and remove anything problematic, and also to put in a mirena, since it's my best bet overall to control the bleeding without compromising my future fertility.

A side note on periods and quantity: my doc recommended doubling up the micronor on days when I was bleeding heavily. I asked specifically what "heavy" meant, because I suspected my perspective of what was a normal amount of bleeding might be skewed. She said if I need to empty my cup (about 25 ml capacity) more than 4 times a day, that was heavy, and to take a second pill. I threw my head back and laughed, then put my face in my hands and cried. I'd already emptied my cup four times that day and it was only 11am, and this was considered light by comparison with the previous week! The doc agreed I was essentially hemorrhaging every month, and put a note of urgency on the surgery order.

My depression continues. I tried zoloft for nearly a week, but it gave me the shits and nausea so bad I was like, I'm never going to be not depressed on this pill, and I quit it. My doc recommends splitting them in half and trying again. Maybe after all this period stuff is under control, I will.

I've got a little garden going! Growing things is so therapeutic for me, I've made it a priority this spring. We got some thyme and rosemary, I resurrected a few kale plants from last year and one chard, I'm pretty sure the peppermint will bounce back from whatever rodent-related assault recently decimated it, and I got one of these grow your own mushroom kits going in the kitchen. No sign of growth yet, but I'm hopeful!

Holy cow this is more than I've written in a month. Better hit submit before I wander off or lay down and forget all about it.

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Still Here

I keep trying to write, but it all feels really pointless.

So this is just a marker to say I'm still alive, still struggling, still here. I do think I'll be back, but right now, it's just too hard to write it all down.

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